I've had this page open all weekend in hopes of posting but I never did get around to it. In fact, I didn't get around to much this weekend. It's been a gloomy last few days. I'm not sure why either, but I think others have been feeling it too-- despite the gorgeous weather. I think that might actually make it worse.

Friday I was invited out to a picnic and although I wanted to go very badly-- I only had about an hour of warning and had already been trying to do a million things that day. I was all set to cancel my current plans to attend when I realized I was just too stressed and on the verge of tears and really not wanting to leave the house. It was just too much in too little time and so I collapsed under my own depressed state. I also in the midst of all the craziness received some bad news.

For the past couple of days I had been attempting to train two new trainees at Panera. It was an experiment to see how possible it was since we are very short staffed and wanting to get people up and running as soon as possible. Well, I had put a lot of effort and time into getting everything ready and thinking up ways to make it all work. Then I had actually put in the four nights of working with two trainees at once. And I was very tired. As one of my trainees put it-- each night I was essentially thinking for three people at once. It was exhausting.

And right as I was trying to collect myself to rush out the door on Friday-- I get the news that one of my trainees quit. It was just heart breaking. And I almost feel stupid because it mattered so much to me but it did. I immediately burst into tears. I felt like a failure of a trainer and all the stress of training and being tired... it just seemed to have gone to waste. From then on it was just a waste of a day... burried in my own self-depricating pathetic state.

Saturday and Sunday were better although I, of course, regretted not going to the picnic on Friday since I knew I had missed the chance to see my friends. And I pretty much sat in front of the tv both days wasting away. I kept looking out the window-- I knew it was gorgeous outside and I knew that if I could just manage to get up I'd be happy but it just didn't happen. So I spent the weekend glued to the tv (although in the process I did discover a pretty cool movie called Under the Tuscan Sky). It's all this vicous cycle of "I'm tired, I want to rest" but then when you rest you just feel more tired and more in need of resting. I also ate a lot of junk which probably added to my inactivity.

But alas! The weekend is over and I did wake up positive this morning. Despite the storm and the rain squelching my plans to go running (I'll have to post about that one of these days...) I am looking forward to the rest of the night. I have plans to cook and clean and hopefully both of those will happen. And even if I do spend the night in front of the tv wasting away-- at least I don't have the added guilt of wasting a nice spring day with friends. Plus, I will get to see them on Wednesday so it all seems a little more bearable.


It's ok to have a blah weekend and take time to yourself at the expense of plans. :) as long as it's not all the time cuz we miss youuuu!

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